WISHBONE
This world owes you nothing. It was here first.
/wiSH/
verb
feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; want something that cannot or probably will not happen.
You don’t need a wishbone you need backbone. The notorious character defect of every addict and alcoholic, so far as I can see, is we want everything for nothing. Or as much benefit and reward as we can rip out of the situation with as little as possible given. This shortcoming was the bane of my existence. I still see the vestiges of them in my life. Like dirt I can't seem to get off the side of my shoe. They stick around in the places where I thought I was finally wearing my "big boy trousers. " You hear this term a lot nowadays called “instant gratification.” I suppose that fits rather than my wordy explanation of this character defect, but, I like the way I say it better. The place that always scared me the most was outside of my door. Fill in the blank after that, it scared me .Why? Because I had to face it. Because it was on me. Because the reality is the worthiness and meaning in my life is always 100% on me. It's on me to bring meaning to my life. This world outside of my door. It owes me nothing. There doesn't need to be a red carpet outside of my door. My life is 100% my responsibility. Happiness, peace, joy and contentment in my life is 100% my responsibility. This world owes you nothing. It was here first. You owe it, yourself. You owe. The real you. The one that doesn't wish for things so much, the one that acts, the one that contributes, the one that helps and serves and gets out of bed when he doesn't want to and shows up for work when he doesn't want to and pays the bills when he has to budget and cares for his significant other when it's the hardest and helps when he's tired and creates when he feels like he has nothing to say. That's the version of you that you owe this world. Why? Because this world has too much of the opposite. It has gotten the lower version of myself way longer than it has received the highest version of myself. I'm not okay with how that scale tips.
I always wanted to be a man that got out of bed and faced the world when he didn't want to. Oh, and by the way, I didn't want to every morning. That has been single most greatest spiritual experience I've ever had. Waking up every morning and taking action in opposition to the mind that wanted to give up and hide. I was a slave to my comfort. If it didn't make me feel good I didn't want any part of it. That is how addiction at its core is selfish and self-centered. Every addict and alcoholics number one loyalty is to ‘feel good’. Everything comes after that. The kids, the wife, the husband, the job, the money, the house, the career, friends; everything pales in comparison to the comfort the addict and alcoholic thinks they are retrieving from their drug of choice. The whole "my feelings are number one " has to die if I expect any type of resurrection in my life. If I don't change that I might as well jump in the grave and bury myself.
There's really nothing more embarrassing than wishing for something and not taking practical action to achieve that thing. The line in the Serenity Prayer "courage to change the things I can” used to scare the shit out of me. But that's really all there is. Courage to change. And you know what? I found out there's a whole hell of a lot of things I can change. Pretty much any damn thing aside from you. That's a hell of a responsibility. That I can change anything aside from another human being. I don't want that responsibility. Who the hell does? You could catch me by the wishing well throwing piles of pennies in that bitch. At the end of the day I'm a lonely asshole with piles of pennies slowly withering away.
I always thought it was God's responsibility to sweep down from the Heavens and clean everything up for me. It is not His responsibility. It is as if God’s Spirit cries out and begs for me to take responsibility for my own life. I found out that God is practical. You want to reap? Then sow! Do you want the plant to grow? Then water it! Do you want to build muscle? Lift weights! Do you want extend your vocabulary and get the brain firing on all cylinders? Read a damn book! Increase your energy? Eat well! The script to animate the human mind, body and spirit in all the beautiful, colorful ways that we could imagine is at our fingertips. Who is courageous enough to act? There's scripture that I like: "the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few”. It is all there waiting for you to claim it. We cannot, and must not be the assholes standing on a pile of treasure begging for change. To be the one sitting at a buffet, waiting on the waiter. Everything is right there for the taking. The spirit of God cries out for us to stand and act.
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